How Can I Keep them Focused?
Barbara, I am a work from home dad, and my kids are now home for the summer. I have a problem keeping my children "focused" on a certain activity while I am working. If I tell them to clean thier room, as soon as I take a phone call, they act like the "cat's away" and go back to watching TV, or even fighting amongst themselves. How can I maintain order in the household if I cannot immediately correct bad behavior?
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Dear Work From Home Dad,
Sounds like you have quite a dilemma, but not unlike others in similar situations. Children are quite resourceful and know exactly the right timing to annoy or create diversions so they can get attention.
I wonder if you have thought about a reward system, something they want and something that you can give. This doesn't necessarily need to be money based, i.e more time to stay up, more time to go to the beach, etc. Sort of a barter system: "If you let Dad do his work and complete it for 1 hour every morning then we can do such and such." Obviously, the reward has to be something worth their effort.
Another suggestion is to only reward the positive and ignore the negative. Instead of always telling them that they are not listening or that they are not following your instructions and raising your voice to try and get order: try to find a positive statement like, Thank you for being so helpful and letting me attend to my work this morning. The bottom line is that they are not trying to be "bad" but rather get the attention that they need.
It is definitely a frustrating situation because they are smarter than we give them credit for and they can pull out all the stops. But you are the parent and must set limits and most of all stick to them. It is a losing battle if your words don't match your actions. So just remember that whatever limit or household family rule you set you must be able to not only TALK the TALK, but also WALK the WALK, (back it up.)
Hope this helps for today.
Barbara
Barbara Peters is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Cumming, GA. If you have a question for Barbara, email her today at barbara@bjpcounseling.com